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Disregard the last post...I may not know where I'm going...but I know this isn't the same. So...color me

  HAPPY  

...with the minor exception that the weather forecast is scattered thunderstorms in Hangzhou for this weekend...booooo    But oh well, who cares? We're going to Hangzhou!

~~

Something I found while researching for my East Asian Security paper...I love this quote:

"The world is one of good and evil, vaulting ambition and petty vanity, great heroism and abject cowardice, qualities that don't figure in the antiseptic world of theory. From time to time in that real world some nation emerges out of the pack fired by the conviction that its destiny is to direct history to its intended final destination. The result is sometimes great achievement, often great sacrifice and slaughter, typically leading to overextension and exhaustion, culminating in decline or outright defeat."

I should be getting to bed, but there are a lot of things on my mind. Why do I feel like I'm going through an extended panic attack? It's not that I'm behind on my work...well...I am...but not really relatively speaking. Actually, if I really had to pinpoint it, I would say I'm pretty sure it's not the academics getting to me. I've spent two eight-hour blocks today working on a paper for my East Asian Security class...but I feel great. It's quite a feat, but I think I've actually gotten the hang of self-control. Finally. 

So then what is it? It's not even that I'm unhappy or upset or frustrated...it's just...I hate this feeling of uncertainty. There are experiences and memories that I have put behind me for a reason, but why do I feel like I might be reliving one of them right now?

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